Jeff's Baseball Card Collection Blog

1992 Studio Card #280, Mitch Williams

What is the most effective way to keep a voluminous mullet out of your face while you’re pitching? You probably think that a red Philadelphia Phillies cap would do an adequate job. Well let me tell you something simpleton, no hat can corral such a mighty tuft of hair.

When you are hurling baseballs at your opponents with the ferocity and finesse of the best ninjas wielding the finest of throwing stars you cannot rely on the pathetically weak hat fabrics. Thoes hats are probably made in China anyway and China is all about hindering ninjas. You can only rely on a headband woven in the highest, coldest parts of Japan from the best japanese money fur. And yes, these monkeys are killed for their fur becuse it’s the easiest way to unlock the power. 

I’m sure Mr.Williams though he was the baddest dude on set the day this photograph was shot but holy moly he looks like the biggest tool in the world here. At least his fans in Philadelphia liked him…

“However, he is perhaps best known for a blown save after giving up a walk-off home run to Joe Carter of the Toronto Blue Jays in the sixth game of the 1993 World Series, which gave Toronto their second consecutive World Championship.” -Wikipedia

LOL oops.

Topps 1993 – David Nied

Let me tell you a thing or two about posing for a baseball card my friends. First off it is impartive that you wear your cleanest jeresy as you do not want too look like a total slob. Be sure you find a dark room in which to be photographed. You want to stand out in your glamour shot. Nothing is more important in the world than being the center of attention at all times.

Keep in mind your facial expression. It can go along way to make you look like a intimidating player as well as making the ladies all hot and bothered. Take my face for instance, it appears as if I’m looking down upon my fans like some annoying 10 year olds, which coincidentally was the vast majority of the people who bought these cards.

 

A last bit of advice before I must leave, I’m a very busy man I must have you know. Be sure you are cupping balls while the photographer is taking your picture. It instills fear in your (male) opponents.